The Soirée Toronto team has compiled a list, addressing concerns that we are asked most often. We have provided you with our answers. Please remember this is your event and you are encouraged to follow your own ideas and values of how you wish to build your event.
Guest Count Guarantees
It is important to ask your venue what the guest count minimum and maximum is in the room your event will be held in. Some venues have a guest count guarantee in their contract. It is essential that you determine your accurate guest count for your event, prior to booking. Keep in mind that on average, 15% of guests will not attend. However, you still need to ensure the venue has the capacity of the 15%, just in case. A caterer or venue may still charge you the original price per person, if you do not meet that guarantee specified in your contract.
Creating a Guest List
Review your address books, phone book, emails, etc… to create a master guest list. From this list create an ‘A-list,’
these are the priority invites. Then create a ‘B-list’ as back-up guests.
On average 15% of your invited guests will not be attending the event. If an ‘A-list’ guest is unable to attend you
have your ‘B-list’ ready to go as back up.
Cutting the Guest List
Friends: If you have not had a meaningful conversation with the person in the last year, it is safe to say you can don’t have to invite them.
Family: It is not essential to invite all cousins, aunts, uncles. Invite those who are close to you.
Rule: Invite the people who you plan to have in your life for years to come.
Co-workers: They are definitely ‘B-list’ guests. Some of these friendships are kept only at the place of employment and not outside of the workplace. Invite the co-workers that you have a close personal relationship with.
Requesting Monetary Gifts
This can be very tricky, as you don’t want to insult anyone who may attend your event. It is a definite faux-pas to ask for cash in writing.
- Have parents and close friends spread the word that you prefer monetary gifts.
- Join a gift registry.
- Some suppliers including photographers and travel agencies offer a gift registry service, where the guests are contributing to the payment of your photography or a trip.
Postage on RSVP’s
It is proper etiquette to provide a postage stamp on your RSVP’s. Otherwise you may not be getting those RSVP’s in on time and will have to resort to calling each guest. If budget is a concern, consider getting a wedding email address, as an effective form of response.
What’s in the wedding program
This is a great place to include special writings, announcements and remembrance. You may include the following:
- Detailed outline of what will happen during the ceremony
- Readings, Prayers, and Songs
- List your bridal party
- Remember and tribute a deceased relative
- Summary of how you and your fiancé met and the proposal
- Announcements about post-ceremony events including refreshments or lunch
Greeting guests through a receiving line or at each table
A receiving line is a traditional way to thank guests for attending your event, however some couples opt to visit each table through the evening dinner. The downside to visiting each table is you may not be able to enjoy your dinner and spend time with your bridal party. Time may pass so quickly throughout the evening, you will wonder when you had the chance to enjoy yourself.
Receiving Line Order
It is best to limit the amount of people in your receiving line, this will limit long line ups. Think about how much you dislike waiting in line. The bridal party does not necessarily need to be in the line, instead they can mingle with guests and/or attend to the guest book, place cards, and wedding favours. The groomsmen may also be available, to stand at the entrance door and let the guest know what side of the room their table is located.
Mother of the Bride
Father of the Bride
Bride
Groom
Mother of the Groom
Father of the Groom
If divorced parents are involved and have a strained relationship, the order would be:
Mother of the Bride
Father of the Groom
Bride
Groom
Mother of the Groom
Father of the Bride
Seating Arrangement Rules
Officiant/Priest: It is appropriate to seat him/her at the table with the parents of the bride. If your parents are divorced, opt to seat the wedding officiant with the mother of the bride.
Divorced Guests: Unless you know a divorced couple are still on talking terms and are friendly and cordial with one another (and their partners), avoid seating them at the same table. It will most certainly help to diffuse any unwanted arguments at your wedding reception. This rule generally applies to the divorced parents of the bride or groom. Unless they all get along, it may be best to seat them at separate tables (and a good distance apart).
Children: Seat children at one table together. This would be a great time to elicit the help of a trusted friend or a baby sitting service to host the table. A babysitting service will plan a program of games and arts/crafts to keep the children busy. The children may end up having more fun together than being seated among a table of adults.
Parents: Parents are typically seated at special tables designated for the parents of the bride and groom. However, there are certain cultures that seat the parents at the head table. You may want to ensure that you are not violating any traditions.
Head Table: The head table consists of the following: the bride, the groom, the maid of honour and bridesmaids, the best man and the groomsmen.
Toasts
The first toast of the night often goes to the best man. Fathers may also want to offer their toasts to welcome each other's family and friends to the event and to express their joy. Other members of the bridal party may want to express their happiness, it may be best to ask them to do their toast together. The bride and groom are also encouraged to address the guests and express thanks.
The suggested length of toasts should be limited to three minutes in length. Considering all the individuals offering a toast, this adds considerable time to the itinerary. Keep in mind that if you are doing toasts in between meals, that the event planner must be aware in order to time the meal delivery. Unexpected toasts are not encouraged during meal service, however your event planner would be the best person to speak with to keep the catering kitchen in the know, so food preparation is reflective with any time delays.
If there are many people who want to offer toasts, it may be appropriate to encourage toasts at the rehearsal dinner, pre-wedding parties, or a reflective poem/story at the ceremony.
Seating Cards
If you are hosting a formal event you will want to address your guest by Mr. or Mrs along with the guest’s full name.
If your event is a more casual affair, you will want to address your guest by their full name or with pre-fix ie. John Smith or Mr. John Smith
If you have a couple with different last names, use version that was on the invitation.
Ensure that your methods are consistant with all seating cards.
Seating Chart
A seating chart is an informal way to help guests find their seats. The benefit of doing a seating chart is it can be created on a computer and any changes can be addressed immediately.
The correct method to create a seating chart is to list the guest’s names in alphabetical order by last name and beside their name the table number.
Example
| Mr. & Mrs. Joe Apple | Table 5 | |
| Miss Jennifer Bug | Table 22 |
The incorrect method is to list the table number and then the guests name under each table number. This can result in confusion for the guests, as they will have to search for their name in no particular order.
Example
Table 5
Mr. & Mrs Joe Apple
Mr. Ronald Cruz
Prepare two seating charts for multiple entrances or two at the one entrance, therefore avoiding crowds. This is also a precautionary measure in case one seating chart gets damaged or lost during set-up.
Order of Dances
Below is the traditional order of dances for the evening. Some traditions follow a different order and/or may incorporate more or less of the following dances.
- Bride and Groom
- Father and Daughter Dance
- Mother and Son Dance
- Bridal Party